'Pretending' to Help? Yeah

All other posts I have been to offer the form 1172-2 to be signed by the soldier and turned in later by a dependent for their ID card renewal. I was not 'allowed' to have the form and was told the only option I had was for my DS husband to stand with me in line. A sign posted in their office clearly states that I can have the form and turn it in signed later. My husband was able to show up later (without me) and talked with the manager who argued military regulations back and forth. In the end my husband just plain asked for the form again to bring to me with his signature. The manager told him he could have the 1172-2 if he went to the back of the line. (even though he was already at the desk with the manager) Also, there is enough staff where the desk does not have to close for lunch. It would not be so busy if they staggered the lunches and continued to work through the day like other successful businesses. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Reply: Thank you for taking the time to complete our survey and we’re sorry that you were not satisfied with you recent visit to the ID Card Facility. In accordance with AR 600-8-14, IDENTIFICATION CARDS FOR MEMBERS OF THE UNIFORMED SERVICES, THEIR ELIGIBLE FAMILY MEMBERS, AND OTHER ELIGIBLE PERSONNEL, dated 17 June 2009. We have a responsibility to protect Personally Identifiable Information (PII) which means the only person that can authorized any ID Technician to access their record in DEERS is the sponsor him or herself. Dependents do not have the authority to access a sponsor’s record in DEERS without a Power of Attorney or a “SIGNED” DD Form 1172-2 by the sponsor. That means the sponsor is the only one that can request this form from our office. In reference to the sign posted outside the ID Card Facility this is exactly what the sign states verbatim: DEPENDENT ID CARDS: If sponsor isn’t present, then must have signed 1172 by the sponsor or Power of Attorney. Nowhere on the sign does it state that a dependent can be issued the form to take to the sponsor. The DD Form 1172-2 must be signed in the presence of a Verifying Official (ID Tech in this office) or the sponsor’s signature must be notarized by a notary. Your sponsor may have been sitting at the manager’s desk, however, the managers desk is not an ID card producing workstation so there is no way that the manager could have printed the form for your sponsor and all the time that your sponsor spent at the manager’s desk could have been used to sign in like all other customers and received customer service. Your husband could have made an appointment at https://rapids-appointments.dmdc.osd.mil/ to receive your ID and saved valuable time. This could have prevented both of you from making three trips to the ID Card Facility. Your sponsor could have also visited his Battalion or Brigade S1 for advice and correct procedure on obtaining an ID card. The ID Card Facility is closed during lunch to allow the printers to cool down, thus preventing delays caused by overheating and errors while processing cards. Lastly we have no control here at FLW on how other ID Card Facilities conduct their business. I can assure you that we follow all rules and regulations. V/R ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Response: The form I asked them for I went home and printed out myself. My soldier signed it and got it notarized on his time, then gave it back to me. They could have HANDED ME A BLANK FORM which they refused to do. 'How can we help' is how you fix ruffled feathers. "Here ma'am, bring this form 1172-2 to your husband to sign when he has a chance and just bring it back to us and we will get you that ID." I asked specifically HOW I could get it done without him standing there holding my hand. They answered with, "There is no other way, he has to be in line waiting with you". A blank form should be able to be issued. I hope that cleared up some confusion on what happened. I will fill the ICE complaint form out in detail next time. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Reply from V/R: Thanks for your feedback. Yes, it is your choice to get a blank form, complete it, and then go get it notarized. However why do that when DEERS will complete the form for you? The time that was spent filling out the form and going to JAG, we could have issued your ID Card. It's you choice, however more easier procedures are in place to assist customers. I don't think that any of my employees were trying to inconvenience you, they probably just found it unusual that you would want to go through those procedures. Lesson learned, we will review procedures and move forward. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Me Again: (shaking my head at the many contradictions so far) You just said that I can not have them print out the form with all the info on it because I was not the soldier? Hmmm. It only gets printed out for the soldier, not the dependent. Since I, as the dependent, was the only one there at the time, it was a solution that would have worked. Point being, as a Drill Sgt in Red Phase, he can't leave. (very rarely) I had to do this, and I was met with problems not solutions. I found a solution ON MY OWN and will continue to do so as long as the support is not there. I appreciate you trying to help and responding to the complaint. Thank you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ His reply: (which was a good cop out) You're very welcome! V/R ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ End point: You can ONLY get an ID card on FLW by making your soldier go in because they will NOT print the prefilled application out for you. So if you have to do this on your own, print out the blank form at home, fill it out yourself, have the hubby sign it, notarize it at ANY bank, and bring it in. Otherwise your hubby has to take even LONGER by going into JAG, getting a Power of Attorney for you, and THEN you can do the whole process without him. With a spouse that can NOT break away but for a few moments, the notarized 1172-2 form is faster. More of a pain for YOU, but faster for HIM so he can get back to work. The DEERS office does not care about HIS time and what he is involved in, but you do, so do your best to make things easier for your spouse since they won't.

The TRUTH About Being a QUITTER

As of April 1st, in an attempt to stop being a fool, I decided just like that to quit smoking. Cold turkey. Let me clarify that cold turkey was not a CHOICE I made either…it was my only option. I happen to be allergic to meds in the same group as the ones that will help me cope on quitting…so no help there. Just a wing and a prayer. I would like to share that I kept that emergency cigarette on the back porch through rain and shine until I completely forgot about it. I guess I would compare it to a pacifier or a child’s favorite blanket. I needed to know it was there ‘just in case’. I will say, after that first 7 days of struggle, and it WAS a struggle, I kept thinking of excuses on why I should give up, or how one puff would not hurt. Then I would go back and beat myself up saying “YOU WENT THROUGH HELL FOR 7 DAYS, WHY START OVER!?” and that would stop me for another day. Sit down, and lets have a convo about how this QUITTING really is. It sucks, in every way possible, it sucks. The first week was me scrambling around my house thinking of NOTHING but NOT smoking and cleaning everything I could get my hands on. When I wasn’t cleaning or when cleaning just wasn’t enough to stop the pull deep in my soul, I would get out of control furious. It was like a fire ball in my chest that got bigger and bigger until I was screaming and banging things. I was running one day and running was not lessening the anger, so I ran harder and faster, but still no change. My anger kept growing faster than I could run it out so I grabbed the bars on the treadmill and lifted that sucker into the air and slammed it on the ground WITH ME ON IT. Twice. The uncontrolled anger won that time and many other times. I had just enough sense to stay away from my kids and pets, thank you very much. They all knew the deal too but they wanted this MORE than I did. So there was about 3 weeks of this bad mood, of which I was aware it was only spurts but everyone now tells me was constant. Well, it finally goes down to where I can manage it, still being snippy at times and less able to be patient around stupidity. A couple days of ‘normal’, and I start sinking. It really feels that way. You just wake up one day and look in the mirror. Before, you were in a rush to handle your business so you had time for a smoke, but after…no reason to rush. Plenty of time to stare at everything ‘wrong’ about you. The world gets pretty heavy, slow, saggy…I can’t even describe it really. Physically, that’s what it felt like. Mentally I was not wanting to think about the next day, what bills needed paid, and I rarely paid attention to who had what homework and if the chores were done. I just didn’t care. I could see them playing, or arguing, or needing attention, but unless someone was hurt I was not blinking an eye. Honestly, all I wanted to do was sleep and be left alone. NOT GOOD FOR A BUSY MOM!!! NOT GOOD! I cried all the time for nothing, and I never bothered to talk to my husband. He should have been my support, but I just didn’t want to be bothered with being told to “feel better”. I know NOW he wouldn’t have done that, but in the shadows that I was in, I thought he would just be another person patting my on the back. I could not even tell him what I needed, which would confuse him and make him feel inadequate when he was already taking over all the things I was supposed to be doing at home. Seeing someone else do my job didn’t pull me out of my funk, it made me feel that I wasn’t needed, that life could go on without me. I was in a pretty sorry state. I tried to talk about it and I got a lot of support that I myself would give if I was reading it from someone else. (mostly anyway) I wanted it to work, I wanted to believe what they said, I wanted to feel better, and I wanted to be able to say ‘thank you’ for them being there. Instead, I shut off the computer. I shut everyone out, then I got my focus. I slowly pulled myself out of a hole, little by little, day by day. I kept the focus on me, with no distractions, and kept telling myself to keep going. I had NO IDEA all of this was from quitting smoking. All I wanted was for it to end, to be able to do the things I was doing before. This is NOT something that was explained to me as a side effect of quitting, so I am seriously putting that out there for you. Not kidding. It sucked worse than the anger. I was prepared for the anger. Granted, not to the extent it went at times, but I knew it was from quitting and it would pass. I coped. The depression, that was never expected and very difficult for me to deal with. After that cloud moved on (about 3 more weeks of it!) I was all silly happy again! I SHOULDN’T be with all the WEIGHT I gained, but I do indeed feel better. I might have gained the 30 it took a year to lose, but my happy is back. We all know that weight gain is a side effect of quitting, so I am prepared for that as well. I know it will happen, I have clothes for that purpose, and I have to work harder to fix the problem. I laugh about it, I poke fun at myself and my ‘chubby pants’, and I take my rear to the pool EVERY DAY to swim for two hours. That is a win/win situation for me and the kids. Our moods are better, we get plenty of sun and time together, and I am still NOT SMOKING! So, that’s the truth. Don’t just read a pamphlet about quitting, talk to real people and ask for the serious low down about it all. PLEASE don’t continue smoking out of fear, just use the knowledge to go into this prepared. And being prepared is what helped me with two out of three difficult steps. Good luck!

Pride vs Arrogance

I am a ‘big girl’. Past blogs have shown how I feel about that so let me move on… Being a big girl means that it’s just a tad harder for me to ‘like’ what I see and dress up a body that I am not particularly fond of most of the time. There are days that feeling pretty actually happens. I have a sense of pride on how my hair turned out that day or the fact that my makeup brings my eyes out more than usual. I like that the polish I chose for my fingers and toes brings out my tan more or that for ONCE I have blemish free skin! Those are prideful moments. How I feel when I get in my car, turn on my favorite song and sing in a voice I don’t recognize as my own scratchy out of tune one. I can smile as I dance to the beat of my stereo and realize that my normally shy self is dancing crazy with people staring at me and I don’t care. That’s pride in myself and my appearance. I am caring about me, what I think, how I feel and what I look like just for myself and not for others. I will never fit the mold that society says I should be in. I will never be the exact shape and size that I draw for myself in the mirror. I will keep trying to be my ‘best’ whatever my best is. And I am sure I will have down days when love for myself is not there. I live for those days of pride, for being comfortable with the little things that I DO like about myself. I have seen people take it too far. Blasting their stereo so that the windows vibrate. Wearing so much jewelry that their fingers clink together and they rattle when they walk. Bringing out the color in their eyes with makeup painted on. Clothing too tight to breath, and rolls of skin hanging out of every available crease. That is not pride. That is arrogance. They believe so highly of themselves that they MUST share it with the world. We don’t get a choice in experiencing this with them. Arrogance is forcing us to experience it with you, and our opinions could very well differ. Having Pride in yourself is exactly that, pride in YOURSELF. It is for you to experience. And more than likely, that subtle love rubs off onto others.

In a Perfect World

A female friend posted this picture on her wall, and I made a silly comment "Can we get a cute poem for our thighs?" just to be silly. Well, a Mr. Wheat then commented his opinion, and since this is actually Just Opinions, I thought I would share his comments: "This is not a picture for males to appreciate." I replied that some men do, but in longer context. This is his explanation about his own wife and post baby body. And do keep an open mind! "I told her to get herself to work. These are things we can control and manipulate with diet and workout routines. No reason not to get right back into shape. She of course had extra lbs on her after giving birth, that's a normal part of the process. Nobody's body will go without SOME permanent thing such as some stretch marks but I know plenty in person who look the same or even better by 6-8 months post delivery by just working hard for it. Looks absolutely matter, I'd not try to pretend that a sexual attraction isn't the start of most every single romantic relationship, that'd be silly. Nobody is perfect but I don't feel it's any reason not to make the best of what we are born with and what we suffer in life through experiences like childbirth. It will fade as you said, so I'll celebrate the moment and extend it as possible with some gym time dedication and the only result would be a healthier body." We were appalled, and yes, offended! And we told him so, so he explained himself... "Working out, yes get to work. Not everyone is blessed with sports illustrated bodies, 98% of people just have to work their butts off to accomplish goals. I see nothing wrong with hard work to get in shape." And yes, I agree with this point, but not for someone ELSE to tell their loved one such. Not unless they plan to do the work along with making such comments. Its work to carry the kid for almost a year, it's work to birth HIS baby, why the heck should we jump back in the gym just because he thinks we should? He wasn't happy with me and my 'big mouth' when I stated not all men think or feel such a way. "I cut no slack to those who fail to help themselves, most certainly not my wife. I don't think you can speak for what the entire world would have done. Furthermore, if you DON'T know someone maybe you should bite your tongue before making personal attacks on them. Thanks." No, I don't know him. I only commented and read. I think that's all I need to do. But, just so I was giving him a fair shot at what he did and did not truly believe, I checked out HIS page. This is what I found on Mr. Wheat's page: "OK, I've seen the same things posted by women about body image over and over. So let me clarify for you ladies. THIS IS WHAT A WOMAN SHOULD LOOK LIKE IN A PERFECT WORLD."

In a Perfect World, imagine all the changes we would have to make on both male and female. Get started Mr. Wheat, let me know how close YOU get to perfection before your time is up.

Note to Self Esteem "Come Back!"

Okay, per past blogs, you know that my weight is something I am struggling with. No, I am not one of those ‘skinny’ ladies that imagine a pooch of a belly. No, I am not ‘big boned’ either. I am of average size 5’6” holding on my average frame a person and a half. If normal for me is a buck fifty, then I have 40 cents I need to spend. Not healthy. Not happy. I stopped smoking on April 1st. I thought it would not affect me. The biggest fear a woman smoker has while quitting is to gain weight. Tah-dah! I am not invincible. Now instead of fighting smoking, I am fighting weight gain and low self esteem. The ladies at work are losing their winter weight together by walking. You can see them slim down while showing off their spring and summer clothes as the weather warms up. Me? I run a mile in the morning, sometimes two, and try to get back on it at night for a 2nd or 3rd mile of the day. What do I get for it? Sweat, and continued use of my winter clothes. I have a serious attitude. I have called myself some not-so-good names in the mirror. And my poor husband…sigh. So imagine my surprise: A gentle man comes in all the time for change. He either drives a big truck or his Harley. He is usually pretty quiet, and gruff acting. Imagine my surprise when he asked for my number (which he did not get), gave me a wink, and did a kiss noise as he drove away. Hmmm. What gives? Another gentleman comes in regularly to handle his business accounts. Always laughing and smiling. Well, this morning he says “you look good!” I smile with a polite thank you, and he responds with “I’m not joking. I say that to be friendly with everyone, but for you I am telling the truth.” Serious face on him, shocked face on me.~~~~~~ Maybe they can’t see the bottom half of me, since it’s all work done at a window of the bank. Maybe their view is fogged or skewed by the glass window. ~~~~~~~But then a coworker walked behind me and said “looking better and better every day”. (Joking happens all the time, I don’t take offense easy to comments) I turned and said “No, it’s getting worse, don’t lie please.” To where he answered, “I am not your husband, so I have no reason to lie about how you look. I am not lying.” So I stood there dumbfounded. ~~~~~I see it in the mirror and I see it on the scale. I am not traditionally ‘pretty’ where my looks could hide a few extra pounds. They are clearly visible to me. Ten negative pounds ago I was taking pictures and flaunting my curves. Ten plus pounds later I am squeezing extra curves into my clothes!~~~ If I were to put value into what someone else thinks, which I normally don’t, why can’t I believe what three different men tell me?! They are the opposite sex, and as far as they are saying, I can still attract their attention. So why doesn’t this lift my spirits? Why can’t I see myself the way they see me?! Did my self esteem disappear pound for pound? If you see it, or know of some bait used to catch it, please let me know. (This done while ignoring the grumbling in my stomach, begging for food rather than water and pretzels for lunch.)

Things I Never Knew

This is pretty morbid, but there is a personal issue going on that brought this subject up for me. Like many of my posts, this is just something to THINK about, not intended to depress but more to take action if you see this in yourself. If you died today, would you feel that your child had the full benefit of knowing you? Would he be able to share a story with his own child about a memory he has of you? Would she discuss the great works you did, and feel pride that she is your child? Would he be able to say “This is what my father believed” or “This is how my mother felt about this”. Would she remember your smile, your laugh? Would he be able to pick up an object that belonged to you, and tell that objects story? Would she have a picture of you on her wall? If your child died today, would you feel you knew them? Would you grieve with the knowledge that they knew their whole life that they were loved and cherished by you? Would they leave this world knowing they always had your support in everything they did and everything they are? Or would you go through their belongings in an attempt to learn what they thought and felt? Would a picture of them in soccer make you wonder why you don’t remember attending a game? Would a their journal entry make you say “I never knew” this happened or that she felt this way? In those final moments, whenever they may be, I want our eyes to meet in love and not a word or regret come from our lips. I never want to look back and wonder about the Things I Never Knew.

Tattoo's vs. a Job

Hair and tattoo’s. That’s what I want to talk about today. In fact, it is something that has bugged me since I was a teen. You own a business, say, a coffee shop, and someone comes to your counter and asks for an application. Of course you would give it to them, but in your heart you are saying ‘no way’. Why? Because half of their hair is shaved off and the other half is purple and blue. A young lady came into the bank where I work to turn in her application. She was dressed nice, her hair was clean and neat, and she had a kind smile. Then she slid her hand across the counter and the answer was again, “no” in my head. She must have been near a baby when she got tattoo’s on the back of both hands. The design was a Dream Catcher (very pretty Indian art) with feathers down every finger. Very nice, but it should not be on such a visible part of the body. To apply for a job where your hands are seen more than your face, it is unwise to apply with the art being a distraction. To me it does not portray ‘individuality or creativity’, it is an obvious ploy for attention, to be noticed in a sea of suits and ties. Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily. When your JOB is to GET attention for your art, then have at it!! If you are a hair dresser for the young group, go for the funky young styles (but keep it where you can still go to a nice restaurant without being kicked out). If you work for a tattoo parlor, by all means, ink yourself from head to toe. Show case your art! Don’t go into a business where the dress is suit and tie and you have a nose ring shining in the florescent lights. It’s common sense. If you want the art, put it where it can be tastefully covered. (I am a tattoo lover myself…my HUSBAND is my art board!) If you want the funky hair color, do it for a day or event with wash out color. If you want a funky style, then STYLE it funky for that day or event, don’t CUT IT where you can’t get away from it when you have a board meeting to go to. There is a soldier at the gate that has Egyptian symbols on the back of his hand and down each finger of just one hand. He is Military Police officer, demanding respect, but for me when I see that hand painted up, I honestly want to tell him to wear a glove. I don’t know why exactly, I can’t pin point it, but for me and several others (including *SHOCK* my kids) we lost a little of the fear or respect we should have for him with the markings on his hand. In our eyes, the MP’s on post are supposed to be darn near perfect. They don’t break rules, the keep US from breaking them. The tattoo on his hand throws off that image. It just does. In 1996 the Army changed the rules on tattoo’s to get more men to join…and in 2012 they are changing it back. I say good for them. A good friend of mine has a hubby that runs a tattoo shop, but he can put on a suit and look GOOD. His wife is his art board with impressive works covering her back, but she can dress up and go to a high society ball if she wanted. They know what they are doing. They have the work they want, they project the image they need for the business and for a PTA meeting both at the same time. THAT shows respect. I guess it comes with age. Be dumb when you are young, but try try try not to do anything permanent to your body until you are making a living on your own. (like ear plugs…geez)