Joey vs. Spock

Joseph is my son, seven years old, and has Asperger’s. This means he has a whole new way of looking at things that I have never seen before, and I get to share in his adventures. I often write down and share “Things Joey Says” because it makes you say hmmmmmm. Joey is a logical thinker. Things must make sense in his life for him to understand or follow through with what you have asked of him. If it doesn’t, he will pause and fairly let you explain, but just once. This is your ONE and ONLY chance to get him to comply. Example: “Joey, drink your Hot Chocolate before it gets cold” “It’s too hot and will burn my lips” “Well, its Warm Chocolate then, and just fine to drink. It is not called Cold Chocolate because THAT is actually Chocolate MILK.” (Here is a Hmmmmm moment for him. This seems logical. But do I really have him?) He picks up the glass and looks in it. “It still feels like it is going to burn my lips though…” he questions me. “Then do the cool down secret.” “Secret?” (I think I might have him. No one can resist a secret!) “Yes. As you tip the cup, and the liquid is coming toward you, sip IN with equal parts air and (careful here) Warm Chocolate. The air cools the Warm Chocolate down BEFORE it passes your lips. And THAT my friend, is why adults like to SIP their coffee. NOW you know the secret.” He smiles, he tips, he sips, SCORE!!! Logic wins. Now imagine his bed time stories…they must come from a book. It’s true then, the ones that he can see in the pages. The ones he can read the words himself if he wanted to, that is ‘true’ to him and he believes it without any questions. Now, if you tried to look to the ceiling and make something up on the spot, you will NEVER leave the room. He will question every aspect of your fairy tale until you want to shout THE END and go running with whatever amount of hair you have left. It’s best to grab a book. Last night he crawled in bed with his dad and I. (Not fun, and not our preferred method of rest, let me tell you) and asked for a story. Dad was sitting up doing some last minute things (on the ever present phone) and I was NOT willing to go grab a book. I wanted the fantasy on a whim like I had with my other (now teen) sons. I decided that with no book, and that Joey was just going to have to participate in this story telling himself. How can he question what HE tells US?! Attempt One: “Joey, pick five things you can see in the room, then tell me a story about it” “No thanks. You do it Dad.” All eyes on dad….no sound…a sigh…phone goes down….”Okay” Dad picks five things and the story is about 3 sentences long. This is NOT acceptable to Joseph as a bedtime story and demands a re-do, which his father refuses. Joey claims he can do better! (Well played Dad) He launches into a story about a wonderful breakfast (I guess he was hungry when he went to bed?) This means that the character must go across a lake in a boat, get out of the boat, tie the boat up, walk across the grass, go into the cabin, pull out the pan, put the egg in the pan, put spices on it (salt and pepper to be exact), cut the egg up, then eat it. The Perfect Breakfast! And the story was told with only the pictures in his head. (The words he picked were Person, House, Egg and Pan) There was no need for him to add the rest of the details, but to him, it has to make sense. A person doesn’t just show up somewhere, he has to take a trip to get there. You can’t just get out of a boat, you have to moor it and tie it, then walk to your destination. (Daddy put his phone aside once or twice to listen too) All I wanted to know was WHAT was in this PERFECT breakfast!? If I don’t give him a good reason to fall asleep, whatever we are doing right now is perfectly acceptable to continue. And what parent has EVER given their child an acceptable reason to fall asleep? I don’t think there is one. So my mommy desperation kicked in. Use the imagination God gave you, I demanded myself. “Joey, do you know why people in books and TV talk about Dream Land? Do you know why everyone calls it the same thing?” Pause. “Why?” “Because it is a Real Place that people go to all the time. Do you want to go?” “No it isn’t. That means go to sleep!” he laughs at me, thinking he caught me. But I have planned for this and have more up my sleeve. “Actually, it exists at the exact same time as the world you are in right now does. The big brothers are already there. They get to go there EVERY night and do what they want, even fly or breath under water.” To make it ‘Real’, I must add my own experience…”I don’t like flying very high up, because it’s scary to me, so I just stay close to the ground and go over cars or sometimes trees and things…” Add in the wispy voice, as if I am wishing to be there right now, doing the things I am talking about. “What else can you do there?” (I think I have him but let’s drive this sucker home!) “ I have done a lot. It depends on what you like. You can be super strong, and lots of other things. I want to go back right now. We are only sleeping in this world, and that is boring, so I get to go to Dream Land and play until it’s time to get up!” “How do you get there?!” (the logic is still there, even though the little boy wonder is in his voice) “It’s easy. You fall asleep. You make your eyes dark by closing them, and then you listen to the fan, because that is the noise in the tube between here and Dreamland.” I got no response, but I didn’t dare say anything else. I knew by how quiet he was being, by how still he was that his little logical brain was spinning with the possibilities but still fighting him on if this was real or not. “Dad, shut off your phone. My eyes need dark. I am trying to go to Dreamland!” Dad shut off the phone and lay down too. I think he was looking forward to Dreamland just as much as we were now. Sometimes, you CAN make the illogical completely logical. Insert triumphant smile here.