Friday, April 27, 2012

Bulge Battle

This past weekend I found out the battle of the bulge was actually a real battle, and not one pertaining to fat cells. That was just a side note, a bit of curiosity, maybe even something you can laugh at me for being so ignorant about. For me though, the Battle of the Bulge is daily, and it is a real battle too. My weapons have been my treadmill, walking the dog, frozen dinners the size of the palm of my hand, magic pills, and even a body wrap!! My enemies have been boredom, quitting smoking, stress of being a mother and wife, and of course junk food showing up in my house then into my mouth. It is a battle, and it is one that we have reached a stalemate on. I would not say I am losing, or the bulge is winning…not yet. I am sure someone walking down the street would have no problem making the judgment of loss but they don’t know where the war began as well as I do. But let me tell you about this secret weapon someone talked me into. I am not going to give the name of it so you don’t get suckered like I did, and so I don’t hurt the seller’s feelings. I am sure you guessed with that statement that the product was a nice idea but big FAIL. (It think the clue in for me should have been the lack of before and after pictures, but I just assumed she was just getting the site up and running as a new distributor and didn’t have more than the one picture-duh) So my dummy butt, desperate for help in that Middle Area, gets talked into calling her for more info. She even went as far as telling me it could help with quitting smoking, which was a selling point for me. Supposedly you put this wrap around your middle and leave it there for 45 min to 8 hours, as long as you can stand it. When you take it off, your middle has lost several inches and the stretch marks have become less visible. Well folks, I bought into the scam. I wanted that miracle that could do several things all at once! So I excitedly followed the directions on applying the wrap, taking measurements, grabbed my water, and sat around waiting for the miracle to happen. I lasted three hours, all the while drinking cup after cup of ice water and running to the bathroom every five minutes. I was smiling like ‘hooray, all these bathroom trips mean that I am getting rid of all the toxins!!!” (insert goofy grin and bouncing for joy here) Three hours later I excitedly took the wrap off, washed off all the chemicals, and took out the tape measure again. A GAIN OF ONE INCH!! What!? In a panic, I jump on the scale. A GAIN OF THREE POUNDS! I read all the instructions again, thinking maybe I flipped the wrap backwards so it worked backwards. Oh! A clause! Hooray! It said something like the toxins are causing your cells to swell and the inches WILL go down the more water you drink. Ugh, so that must be it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Three days later, tons of water, it was finally time to see the results. My 72 hours of tox clean was up and what ever the results were today should be great. Hooray! I lost an inch!!! Hmmmm, but wait...I also lost 3 lbs.... Think about it Jen. You lost the inch and the pounds that you GAINED in just three hours of using the magic wrap. It took you THREE DAYS to get your body back to what it was just seconds BEFORE putting a wrap on your belly!!! So in the long run, you lost NOTHING. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now I have a box of miracle wraps sitting under my sink. My hubby asked that I just assume that's how all first tries go, and try again like they recommend after 72 hours. I did, same result. I am STUCK with this crap. I have deleted the seller of the product off my page, I have deleted the product's company off my page. I have once again been suckered into the quick fixes all because of a desperate need to stand on the scale and in front of the mirror and LIKE what I see. Maybe it's not a new body I need. Maybe it's new eyeballs... Either way, I am still fighting the Bulge Battle on my own the good old fashioned way, exercise and eating right.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Extinct by Gangs

I love old houses. I love how unique they are and the materials that were used to make them so long ago. Brick is my favorite. And I love the houses in the old neighborhoods where the houses touch on both sides and the run of houses flow like a snake up and down the neighborhood hills. Then you realize, they are empty. The windows are boarded up, the cement steps are cracked and tilted, the upstairs windows are cracked or broken out completely. No one lives in them. Good solid walls, strong roofs, and no one lives there…WHY?! They went ‘extinct’ due to gang violence and low incomes. Gangs fought with each other to ‘claim’ the neighborhood without looking back to see what it was they were fighting for. The once green lawns so carefully tended by the gruff old men, the women who chatted from porch rail to porch rail, the kids jumping rope and coloring with chalk on the sidewalks at their neighbors door. All gone. People became afraid to go outside. Children were getting hurt or killed by stray bullets. Mothers went against mother because of the things their sons and daughters had done to each other. They neighborhood became a war zone, and people moved out. If it were still green, still friendly, still close, the recession would not have caused them to move from their cherished homes. They would have worked harder, longer, or worked more than one job, just to stay there. But why live in a place you fear? The Gang who set out to lay claim to their neighborhood wins. But what do they win? When the smoke clears, they wipe the sweat from their brow, smile and turn around…there is nothing left to own and they move on to the next neighborhood. They don’t feel bad about what they did, they don’t regret making happy families move, they don’t care about the battered old buildings left to crumble. They are satisfied about ‘winning’ and finally being able to claim the neighborhood as their own. So right now there is nothing to fear, the gangs are gone, except for an older member here or there now laying against the wall in a stupor. I wonder, if I was rich (which I am far from being), could I bring these homes back to life? Would anyone move in again and make it their own? Would the memory of what the Gangs took from this place be stronger than the dream of it coming alive again? So right now we let them sit, the only residents being the rats in the basement, the cats on the first floor and the pigeons in the attic. As for the humans, they have become extinct by gangs.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

What moves Man?

I was having a discussion this morning with a very good conversationalist and an even better debater (if there is such a word), and it was nice to get the blood flowing again with different views being shared back and forth. I try to remember my stand in such cases that can get pretty rough for some, that it is “Just My Opinion” and I don’t have to be loud or upset to share my view. I rather enjoy listening as well. It gives me a respect for the other person’s view. We went on a few different directions, but there was something I got out of it at one point that I wanted to share, something that I was thinking about long after the discussion. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It is in our human nature to want to FIND the person that hurt or killed a child. It is in our nature to want to make that person PAY for what they did. The face of a child that suffered at the hands of another can set the entire human race into a frenzy. Some would like to say it is that way for all crimes/murders, but I don’t feel that is the case. Yes we have a sense of right or wrong and yes we think that person should pay in a crime on another adult, but not as strong as a defenseless CHILD. That stir’s feelings in us that sometimes become hard to control and easily create mobs of vengeance. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So what happens when a crime is committed BY youth? Defense attorneys will do all they can to show the public the weaker person, describe in detail their younger years, and make us view them as younger than they truly are…a defenseless child. Our hearts open to the image of an injured child. It’s in our nature. In some cases we MUST look past the play on words and look at the ‘child’ that really is. Look at the choices she made on her own, look at the decisions he chose to make, that got them in the place they are now. That face, that story, that image of being a child needs to be removed when needed so that a decision can be fairly made on discipline. When attempting to sway a jury to have pity they will use this ‘child’ image for not only them but the public as well. The public no longer wants to listen to the other side of the story, they want vengeance for that ‘child’. This isn’t what we discussed, it was much more in depth, this was the tip of a tiny iceberg. But this is certainly something that got my attention, and I am curious if anyone else see’s what I see…. Let me know.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Hi, I’m Fat, How are You?

Hi. My name is Jenny, and I am fat. Yes, I said it. I look in the mirror and wonder how my size 14 dress pants that used to flow along the hips and thighs now fit more like leggings. I have to decide whether or not to risk going to work in pants that may very well split before the day is through. Which will go first, the button or the zipper? I currently have four pair of jeans sitting on my couch with the copper zipper missing a tooth at the lowest point possible on the exact same spot for all pair. I thought it was a defect in the zipper (since they are all the same brand jean) but it turns out it is a defect in the WEARER. Time to come to terms with the fact that this once size 12 butt has grown past the emergency pants in size 14. NOW WHAT?! I don’t have many options, in fact, I don’t have ANY options. I followed some sick person’s advice (probably my own) and did not “give myself an excuse to get fat again by getting rid of my fat girl clothes”. Thank goodness I kept the next size up just because they were comfortable. Well I got bumped to those 14’s for a good while, and thought, “Okay, if I am here, this is a good place and maybe I can learn to live with it. I won’t be happy per say, but I can live with it.” Well, it’s been 16 days of not smoking now, and I was warned that quitting could cause weight gain. After one week of success, I didn’t think it would be a problem…my 14’s still fit comfortably, in fact I still needed a belt for them. Two weeks later, still no problem, although a belt is not a necessity any longer. On the 14th day (funny how that happened) my butt took the shape of the car seat in a three plus hour car ride! By the end of the trip I had gained 9 pounds and my ankles were swollen. I thought, don’t worry, it’s just water retention, you can fix this in no time. Two days later, my teeth practically floating and many dashes to the bathroom I have only lost 2 of the 9 I gained on that trip!!! ERRRR. I haven’t touched the treadmill since the first or second day of not smoking because I honestly tried to break it. Not kidding. (I found doing pop a wheelies on a treadmill is entirely possible if you are angry enough). I take a ‘magic pill’ that is supposed to help with mood AND losing weight…but I only get one benefit and that’s a better mood. Somewhat. I am not giving that up. It seems every time I check out the TV there is a commercial for Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers or Nutrisystem. They YELL at me!!! But how in the world can I be so selfish to take money from my family that we can’t really spare, just to eat controlled diet food?! I feel like Rumplestiltskin when he stomped his feet so hard in anger that the floor split open and gobbled him up. Sometimes I wish it would, especially when I have to wear ‘leggings’ to work in disguise as dress pants. Eeww. So, what do I do, really? Do I fall prey to the advertizing and look for a quick fix in premade meals? Do I buy a bigger size and pretend I am happy where I am, that I am just MEANT to be this way? Or do I give it one last shot the ‘old fashioned way’?! No more garbage, choose the foods that can be fuel for my body. Five small meals or 3 normal sizes, but stay in 1200 calories a day. Water. Drink LOTS of water. Thirty minutes of exercise a day, no excuses. (And this does not mean to count every step I normally take in a day and decide it’s exercise either. This means to get my butt back on the treadmill.) And how about those 8 hours of sleep that I used to have scheduled in? Yeah, I need those. Bed by 10pm and up at 6am is not unrealistic. I WAS doing these things. So what room really do I have to complain? I stopped doing the work, I gained, simple math really. I know, I know, it would be nice if I was one of those girls that didn’t have to work so hard at it. I’m not. That’s life. So, hello there. My name is Jenny, and I am still fat, but working on it.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Negative Nancy

I overheard someone talking about the fact that they were going to finish college. This was new to them, it was scary for them, but they had an idea and they were going toward it. They had the basic information, and were going about the scary financial aid. Then Negative Nancy shows up and casts a dark cloud over the excitement, talking about how hard it is going to be to pay off the loans. The College Bound adult had to explain themselves and their plan through that rain cloud Negative Nancy brought with them. Since the first try didn't work, Negative Nancy talks about how the classes that College Bound chose would not really do much for the chosen career. The problem is that Negative Nancy causes College Bound to second guess themselves. Not just on things like financial or specific classes, but just GOING to college. The people that are around know that for this particular case it is more that they fear College Bound succeeding and moving forward, because Negative Nancy will be left behind. Being negative, causing that doubt in another, is a form of control. So, Negative Nancy, if you like that control so much, please use it for GOOD. Control YOURSELF, push YOURSELF, force YOURSELF to try new things and go new places. Don’t hold someone back out of your own insecurities.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Valid Thoughts-Bad Timing

I have seen and been a part of several discussions that have turned into arguments, and it takes all I have as a natural mediator to calm both sides down. It’s not that I agree with one or the other, or even disagree for that matter, it’s just a matter of timing. Bad timing is when a discussion about the rights of fathers comes up when the person you are talking around /beside is going through a custody fight and has child support issues. Bad timing is talking about your child misbehaving and the attempts you have made to be a ‘good mother’ when the person you are talking around, their child has gone to jail for drunk driving. Or bringing up a political view point in a crowd of known argumentative people. Bringing up a religious view when a coworker is struggling through lent or another required suffrage. I have to admit though that I have certainly gone into one of those high stress rooms and blurted out a comment that got them going. Lucky for me, I didn’t have to stay there. J I know, evil. I have also enjoyed a piece of chocolate around someone that had sworn to give it up…another seriously evil thing to have done on my part. But when it comes to personal hurt, personal suffering for someone or their family, it just takes that tiny bit of knowledge or common sense to watch what discussion you get into. If you don’t realize at the time, and they react more with feeling than with thought, then be understanding and back down carefully. This does not mean that you are WRONG in what you think, it does not mean you can not have this discussion later, it just means that they are not hearing you with their heads. They are hearing you with their hearts and it hurts. That moment it is not about you sharing your opinion, it is about giving them the space they need to handle their own issue, and taking the topic to a friendlier area or waiting until a later date. Don’t talk about why a certain religion or religious holiday doesn’t make sense to you ON THAT HOLIDAY. Wait until it’s over. Then feel free. (Honestly, I love the fact that one person can spout out about how other religion is wrong…but they don’t practice the religion they claim to be a part of. Honestly, what say do you have?) So, it’s not that you don’t have a valid point, one that someone would love to debate with you on…it’s just a matter of timing and how to bow out without making others think you changed your view. I don’t mind being a mediator but I would MUCH rather enjoy the debate with two understanding and friendly parties.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Know-It-All?


If you are a know it all, no one wants to know. Trust me. We really don’t. If we are struggling with an issue, it is our ‘task’ or our ‘challenge’ to learn how to get through it. Of course you can come up while we are in the middle of our own mystery, and put in your two cents, but honestly we WANT and NEED to figure it out. While our brains are processing our next step, as well as all possibilities in the end result, we can NOT have you come and start over our process. Yes, you may be right. But it’s human nature to want to ‘see what happens’ with our own way of doing things. Now, if it’s immoral or illegal, yeah, jump right in and stop the process…~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ AND just because, Mr. Know It All, you know for a fact based on experience, that your idea does certainly work…you do NOT know that my idea will fail. There are many ways of doing things, and you found one. Now let me find another, or slowly come around to your way ON MY OWN. Who knows, maybe my way will be surprisingly easier or more efficient. Yes you KNOW, but you don’t KNOW it ALL.

Non SMOKER

I haven't been on my blog for a good while because I have decided to stop smoking. Since I don't do well with medications, I am doing this cold turkey. It has been 10 days now. My issue is the negativity that I seem to share. I don't like it. I am not normally a negative person. Yeah I have my issues but they usually pass pretty quick. This time I can get mad at something small, and I explode. My first couple of days I was trying to break things. It was uncontrollable, that rage. It's gotten bearable. I still want one, I still crave it. Someone said nicotine goes out of the system in 72 hours, so even though that 72 hours has passed I am still waiting for that relief I am supposed to feel. Habits take 21 days to change, so I clean instead of smoke...I guess the husband and kids will like that more than I do. I haven't been able to sit and read, lounge in a tub, none of the peaceful calming things I used to do. I have to move. I have to keep doing SOMEthing so that I don't pick up a cig. I keep this on my grill out on the back deck....
It's been rained on, burnt dry by the sun and gotten nasty beyond smoking. But I keep it there. If I ever want a cigarette bad enough from this point forward, it will have to be THAT one. Disgusting. Eventually my attitude will improve as well, and my blogs will begin again. I want my old self back just as bad as you do. Actually, I want the new IMPROVED me. :)