Hi, I’m Fat, How are You?

Hi. My name is Jenny, and I am fat. Yes, I said it. I look in the mirror and wonder how my size 14 dress pants that used to flow along the hips and thighs now fit more like leggings. I have to decide whether or not to risk going to work in pants that may very well split before the day is through. Which will go first, the button or the zipper? I currently have four pair of jeans sitting on my couch with the copper zipper missing a tooth at the lowest point possible on the exact same spot for all pair. I thought it was a defect in the zipper (since they are all the same brand jean) but it turns out it is a defect in the WEARER. Time to come to terms with the fact that this once size 12 butt has grown past the emergency pants in size 14. NOW WHAT?! I don’t have many options, in fact, I don’t have ANY options. I followed some sick person’s advice (probably my own) and did not “give myself an excuse to get fat again by getting rid of my fat girl clothes”. Thank goodness I kept the next size up just because they were comfortable. Well I got bumped to those 14’s for a good while, and thought, “Okay, if I am here, this is a good place and maybe I can learn to live with it. I won’t be happy per say, but I can live with it.” Well, it’s been 16 days of not smoking now, and I was warned that quitting could cause weight gain. After one week of success, I didn’t think it would be a problem…my 14’s still fit comfortably, in fact I still needed a belt for them. Two weeks later, still no problem, although a belt is not a necessity any longer. On the 14th day (funny how that happened) my butt took the shape of the car seat in a three plus hour car ride! By the end of the trip I had gained 9 pounds and my ankles were swollen. I thought, don’t worry, it’s just water retention, you can fix this in no time. Two days later, my teeth practically floating and many dashes to the bathroom I have only lost 2 of the 9 I gained on that trip!!! ERRRR. I haven’t touched the treadmill since the first or second day of not smoking because I honestly tried to break it. Not kidding. (I found doing pop a wheelies on a treadmill is entirely possible if you are angry enough). I take a ‘magic pill’ that is supposed to help with mood AND losing weight…but I only get one benefit and that’s a better mood. Somewhat. I am not giving that up. It seems every time I check out the TV there is a commercial for Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers or Nutrisystem. They YELL at me!!! But how in the world can I be so selfish to take money from my family that we can’t really spare, just to eat controlled diet food?! I feel like Rumplestiltskin when he stomped his feet so hard in anger that the floor split open and gobbled him up. Sometimes I wish it would, especially when I have to wear ‘leggings’ to work in disguise as dress pants. Eeww. So, what do I do, really? Do I fall prey to the advertizing and look for a quick fix in premade meals? Do I buy a bigger size and pretend I am happy where I am, that I am just MEANT to be this way? Or do I give it one last shot the ‘old fashioned way’?! No more garbage, choose the foods that can be fuel for my body. Five small meals or 3 normal sizes, but stay in 1200 calories a day. Water. Drink LOTS of water. Thirty minutes of exercise a day, no excuses. (And this does not mean to count every step I normally take in a day and decide it’s exercise either. This means to get my butt back on the treadmill.) And how about those 8 hours of sleep that I used to have scheduled in? Yeah, I need those. Bed by 10pm and up at 6am is not unrealistic. I WAS doing these things. So what room really do I have to complain? I stopped doing the work, I gained, simple math really. I know, I know, it would be nice if I was one of those girls that didn’t have to work so hard at it. I’m not. That’s life. So, hello there. My name is Jenny, and I am still fat, but working on it.