Quiet Love

I don’t need Big Bang shows of love. I have what I need on a daily basis. I am pretty simple, I like things easy, I cherish the small things, and I have that kind of love…

It’s a kiss when he comes home from work, no matter how busy things are or who is trying to get our attention. It’s when those two adults look over the sea of noisy kids, jumping dogs and arguing teenagers to find each other and smile. It’s driving in the car and in the middle of our conversation he slips my hand into his without thinking. It’s that special song when for no reason at all, he takes hold of my waist and brings me close while I laugh and sway along with him. It’s those stolen moments, when the noise level is too high, and chaos reigns, where he runs with me hand in hand to another room for a brief moment of silence. It’s his willingness to kill that spider, or remove a bug from where I planned to stand just moments before without seeing it. It’s how he asks ‘How was your day?” and listens patiently even though he doesn’t understand anything I am saying. It’s how he takes my hand when we pray and squeezes it on a point he finds important.

And most of all, on those long nights where I can’t sleep, but I send him to bed exhausted. Where I climb in beside him hours later, so careful not to wiggle too much or shake the mattress so he is not disturbed. It’s that moment when he rolls toward me, lays his head on his arm with his hand in my hair, his arm over my hip, and his legs entwined with mine. He doesn’t know he is doing it. His body is unaware, but his soul knows that it’s mate has found its way back to his side. It’s that kind of love, the peaceful ‘it just happen’s’ love that I cherish. No Big Bangs for me please, I choose the Quiet Kind of Love.

Paradise for the American Spirit

I am currently reading a book called A Journey Out of Darkness by John Slade.  He has three main experiences he teaches us about while he tells his tale...three things that keep me interested.  Nature, Photography, and yes GHOSTS.  I am not going into detail, you will have to read it yourself to see how it fits.~~~~
One paragraph he wrote made me smile: "Americans look at bears from car windows, hopefully rolled up.  We look at moose now and then in a magazine illustration.  And eagles?  Only a fortunate few Americans can stare up at an eagle soaring above them.  Most of us know eagles only as a patriotic emblem.  The American spirit is satisfied with mustard and ketchup."~~~~~~~~~~~

One Hot Mama-NOT!

Its about 60 something here now, with rain and wind. I decided to wear a light weight sweater with a little ‘turtle neck’ to it. You would not believe how many negative comments I have gotten about the fact that it is “still warm even if it’s raining and a sweater is unnecessary.” I smile and move on. Here is my way of thinking: To me, yes it’s pretty warm outside, but I am comfortable. They are comfortable in their skin baring clothes. Why? Because when it was 40 or 50 with the idea of spring in the air, they acclimated to the temperature to be able to wear those clothes sooner. Now that it is actually in the 70’s they feel comfortable.
 Well, I dressed warm for a different reason. This summer is going to be HOT, that much is obvious. So I am acclimating in a different way. I want the option of taking layers off to feel comfortable, so I am keeping them on and letting myself adjust slowly to the warmer weather. While they are crying about needing air conditioning, I will be wearing my regular summer clothes, and be able to get thinner material and shorter sleeves as the heat becomes unbearable to others who have no more clothes they can legally take off. While they are going to the hospital for dehydration and sun stroke, saying there was nothing they could do since their clothing was weather appropriate at the time….I will sip my margarita on the back deck with a little spray fan, umbrella over me and a good book.

Rule Breaker

You know when you have those meetings at work where a rule is made, the boss then sets the rule, then enforces the rule by reprimanding quite publicly that the rule is getting broken when they catch someone? Oh, but then…as time goes by that rule relaxes…enough so that the boss can see people breaking that rule once and a while as they walk by and don’t comment, then enough so that the boss breaks the rule themselves several times. Six months after the rule is set and enforced, the only one that is NOT breaking the rule is the one that was publicly ridiculed in the very beginning. And disgust forms deeper and deeper as that person watches co-workers and the boss breaking that said rule. *Shake my head* No one wanted the rule in the first place, so no one is going to say anything against it. They just waited their due time to slowly break it again. When the higher ups realize things have gone backwards in so short of time, they send out another memo. This memo causes another meeting, this meeting sets the rule in force again, and more people are ridiculed for breaking said rule. *Smile* Eventually everyone will have their embarrassing public reprimand "I got caught" moment (except the boss of course) and no one (but the boss of course) will break the rule again. It will take a couple years, but lets just assume corporate knows this. *Smile*.

Ashes to Ashes

The Author Thomas H. Cook of The Fate of Katherine Carr wrote about a character in his story that believed tossing the cremated ashes on the ground in different places 'always struck me as the vain attempt of a transient creature to seek a famished immortality by mingling its powdery remains with the permanence of a planet that, if truth be told, was not permanent either.'~~~~~~~~

I kind of got my bristles up about that. ~~~~~~~~ My grandfather was Irish, he loved beauty.  He was a strong man that believed that hard work got you what you wanted and you don’t hold your hand out for anything.  You do for others before you do for yourself, and you don’t need much to live on.  Don’t keep fancies in the house that you don’t plan to use daily, and don’t throw something out that can be used for something or someone else.  He was a tough man, but this tough man even tried his hand at painting.  He loved God’s creation.  He found beauty in it, and he attempted without much success, to recreate it.  Now, did my grandfather think he could find permanence here on earth by scattering his remains upon his death?  No.  That's not why he asked this of us.  He knew he was with God, but that one last statement, that one last touch of himself on the places he loved was not for his benefit.  It was for OURS. ~~~~~~~~  When we miss him, is it better to look at an urn that holds his ashes or the beauty that he loved where his ashes now lay?  It's his last silent message to us that all the beauty you see in all these places I asked you to spread my ashes is what living and loving is all about.  God created this, God has a hand in all great things, and when you look and remember me, you will realize what I now know.~~~~~~~~

Deciding to be cremated and sharing your ashes with the wind should not be depressing or looked as if we try to hold on to Earth even after our death.  It should be our gentle reminder that we all come and go, and that we remember to see the beauty in things on Earth until we go home again.  I miss you Grandpa, Happy St. Patrick's Day.     :)

Self Bias is Okay

"Bias: a strong inclination of the mind or a preconceived opinion about something or someone. A bias  may be favorable or unfavorable."~~~~~~~
We were talking at work when Matt S., a co-worker, explained that we all have a natural self-bias toward our children.  Since the place is filled with women besides him, they all started talking over him telling him how untrue that was.  Well, I had to agree.  After talking above the hens, he made his point, and it was a good one!  I want to share it here.~~~~~~~~
We all think our child is cuter, more talented, more athletic and better behaved than the neighbors kid.  It's our right as a parent to believe so.  Is it true?  Sometimes.  Sometimes not.  But no one can convince us otherwise.  THAT is self bias.  Now the problem arose about 'your child vs a step child'.  Since I am a step parent myself and have been since the age of 20, my ears perked up.  Touchy subject for some, so hear me out.  You would not want to admit that you love your own biological children more, so don't.  Right now, don't even think in that direction.  Think instead this way...~~~~~~~~~
Do you give your step children the same things as you do your own?  Do you make your stepchildren do the same chores as your own?  Do you feed them the same?  Make them follow the same rules?  Spend the same time with them alone and in a group?  Do they go to the same events?  Get the same rewards and punishments?  If you say yes, then you are doing a wonderful loving job with your step child.  Yes, you love them and you show them that love every day as if they were your very own.  Nothing can convince you otherwise.  Wonderful! :) You are a great step parent and that child knows they hold a special place in your heart.  ~~~~~~~~~~
But that little feeling, that little difference IS there.  I am a step parent, and I love my daughter like no other, and I believe I spoil her more than my own children, but I am NOT her mother and my heart knows it.  Before my divorce I was a step mom at a young age to a wonderful boy that I still keep tabs on even though he is no longer my step son.   It may be different if we were the sole parents even if I was not a biological mom, but the truth is we aren't.  Every year we have to figure out who my daughter is and fall in love with her again.  (I choose not to use the word 'step' when talking about my daughter...that's just my choice.)  She fills my heart, but not in the same way my own children do.  It's a feeling, and not one that most step parents would share out of guilt.~~~~~~~~
In the end, the other female co-workers understood his point and it put a different spin on how they were dealing with things in their own families.  It took a gentlemen without his own children to tell us ladies that it was okay and completely normal to feel different without the added stress of guilt.  Even non-step parents have a way of understanding this self bias.  But us 'steps' put so much pressure on ourselves already that we add guilt where we don't need to. 
(I know God had a plan when he gave me all sons and gifted me with my one and only daughter, my STEP daughter, and I was able to give her a special piece of my heart that a son didn't have.)~~~~~~~~~
Self Bias is NORMAL, it's NATURAL, it's us grooming and conditioning our gene pool.  It just IS and it's OKAY.  

We Have Options!

I wonder how many of us are in a job that we hate...but love because we HAVE a job when so many don't?  I can't honestly say I hate my job, but I sure as heck don't rush out of the house to get there.  I am glad when I am there earning some pay for the family, I love chatting with most of my co-workers, I love the people that I help and the conversations we have.  I love being busy and getting things done, setting little goals and competing with other co-workers.  What I don't like is that it is NOT satisfying.  It doesn't make any real difference to my life or anyone else for me to be there and doing the work.  Honestly, a child could do it.  They don't notice when I am there, they only notice when I am gone.  Not just that, but there is about one or two times a week that I am not just sitting there waiting for work to happen.  Waiting and Waiting is my biggest drawback.  I need to DO. 
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This 'job' is in the field that I have worked my entire adult life.  It is a tiny part of what I used to do in the city.  But now that I am in the country there is only a small piece of the work I used to do.  I have to deal with that.  Of course that makes it really boring mentally, and hard to get through the day.  It is not a challenge, and there are no challenges being offered in the near future.  So what do I do?  Do I stay in the same job field knowing that the experience on my resume' will help me get the better job when I get back to the city in two years ~OR~ find a job that keeps me busy and makes me happy while I wait for these two years to pass?  (I am a military wife)
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 What I am interested in won't exactly look good on my resume' but it's something I was pulled toward the moment I entered this town. Hotels line the streets here, seven on one block!  I have been home with my kids for four years, and cleaning doesn't bother me, no matter how bad it can get.  It seems silly after being in finances for so long for me to say I just want to clean, right?  I want to go from one place to the other putting things in order.  I want to make sure the families that come here waiting for homes (like we did) have a clean and safe place to stay.  I want to be physically active, keep busy, and feel like I did something by the end of the day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
But it all comes down to future employment....
Will a future employer see that I went from finances to housekeeping staff and look down on me?  Will going from one to the other be so drastic that they thought I lowered my standards?  Will they understand that I wanted MORE and more just wasn't offered where I was?  It's a hard choice....but at least I HAVE that choice.  Many don't. 
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And who is to say that the housekeeping option is even a valid option?  They might not want me either! :)

Just Because...

Just because you put a lot of effort into a project doesn't mean your boss is going to recognize the work.
Just because you ran all over and got the kids to this or that event on time doesn't mean they will say thank you.
Just because you spent your whole day off cleaning doesn't mean it will stay clean when the kids come home.
Just because you were there for hours talking a friend out of troubles doesn't mean she will be there for you.
Just because you exercised for five days and avoided the ice cream doesn't mean you will lose even one pound.
Just because you saved and saved doesn't mean it will be enough when your car breaks down.
Just because you dressed your best and have the qualifications doesn't mean the job is automatically yours.
Just because you trusted someone to be somewhere on time doesn't mean they won't be late.
Just because you gave your all to a relationship doesn't mean the other person tried as hard before divorce.
Just because you have a healthy lifestyle doesn't mean you skipped the chance at a serious illness.
Just because you spent extra effort in keeping in contact with people doesn't mean they take time to return the favor.
Just because you were in the middle of a TV show doesn't mean the hubby won't switch the channel.
Just because you waited all day for that hot bubble bath doesn't mean there will be hot water when you get in.
Just because you just cleaned the dog kennel doesn't mean the dog doesn't immediately destroy your work.
Just because YOU care doesn't mean the person you want to see affection from will show it back.
Just because you have your future planned out doesn't mean your future is always willing to cooperate.

You have planned, worked, contacted, been there, loved, cleaned...but it doesn't always work out.  So shrug your shoulders, fight another day, and go take a nap.  Don't forget the sign on your door that says "Do Not Enter!  Napping...Just BECAUSE!!!"