In a Perfect World

A female friend posted this picture on her wall, and I made a silly comment "Can we get a cute poem for our thighs?" just to be silly. Well, a Mr. Wheat then commented his opinion, and since this is actually Just Opinions, I thought I would share his comments: "This is not a picture for males to appreciate." I replied that some men do, but in longer context. This is his explanation about his own wife and post baby body. And do keep an open mind! "I told her to get herself to work. These are things we can control and manipulate with diet and workout routines. No reason not to get right back into shape. She of course had extra lbs on her after giving birth, that's a normal part of the process. Nobody's body will go without SOME permanent thing such as some stretch marks but I know plenty in person who look the same or even better by 6-8 months post delivery by just working hard for it. Looks absolutely matter, I'd not try to pretend that a sexual attraction isn't the start of most every single romantic relationship, that'd be silly. Nobody is perfect but I don't feel it's any reason not to make the best of what we are born with and what we suffer in life through experiences like childbirth. It will fade as you said, so I'll celebrate the moment and extend it as possible with some gym time dedication and the only result would be a healthier body." We were appalled, and yes, offended! And we told him so, so he explained himself... "Working out, yes get to work. Not everyone is blessed with sports illustrated bodies, 98% of people just have to work their butts off to accomplish goals. I see nothing wrong with hard work to get in shape." And yes, I agree with this point, but not for someone ELSE to tell their loved one such. Not unless they plan to do the work along with making such comments. Its work to carry the kid for almost a year, it's work to birth HIS baby, why the heck should we jump back in the gym just because he thinks we should? He wasn't happy with me and my 'big mouth' when I stated not all men think or feel such a way. "I cut no slack to those who fail to help themselves, most certainly not my wife. I don't think you can speak for what the entire world would have done. Furthermore, if you DON'T know someone maybe you should bite your tongue before making personal attacks on them. Thanks." No, I don't know him. I only commented and read. I think that's all I need to do. But, just so I was giving him a fair shot at what he did and did not truly believe, I checked out HIS page. This is what I found on Mr. Wheat's page: "OK, I've seen the same things posted by women about body image over and over. So let me clarify for you ladies. THIS IS WHAT A WOMAN SHOULD LOOK LIKE IN A PERFECT WORLD."

In a Perfect World, imagine all the changes we would have to make on both male and female. Get started Mr. Wheat, let me know how close YOU get to perfection before your time is up.

Note to Self Esteem "Come Back!"

Okay, per past blogs, you know that my weight is something I am struggling with. No, I am not one of those ‘skinny’ ladies that imagine a pooch of a belly. No, I am not ‘big boned’ either. I am of average size 5’6” holding on my average frame a person and a half. If normal for me is a buck fifty, then I have 40 cents I need to spend. Not healthy. Not happy. I stopped smoking on April 1st. I thought it would not affect me. The biggest fear a woman smoker has while quitting is to gain weight. Tah-dah! I am not invincible. Now instead of fighting smoking, I am fighting weight gain and low self esteem. The ladies at work are losing their winter weight together by walking. You can see them slim down while showing off their spring and summer clothes as the weather warms up. Me? I run a mile in the morning, sometimes two, and try to get back on it at night for a 2nd or 3rd mile of the day. What do I get for it? Sweat, and continued use of my winter clothes. I have a serious attitude. I have called myself some not-so-good names in the mirror. And my poor husband…sigh. So imagine my surprise: A gentle man comes in all the time for change. He either drives a big truck or his Harley. He is usually pretty quiet, and gruff acting. Imagine my surprise when he asked for my number (which he did not get), gave me a wink, and did a kiss noise as he drove away. Hmmm. What gives? Another gentleman comes in regularly to handle his business accounts. Always laughing and smiling. Well, this morning he says “you look good!” I smile with a polite thank you, and he responds with “I’m not joking. I say that to be friendly with everyone, but for you I am telling the truth.” Serious face on him, shocked face on me.~~~~~~ Maybe they can’t see the bottom half of me, since it’s all work done at a window of the bank. Maybe their view is fogged or skewed by the glass window. ~~~~~~~But then a coworker walked behind me and said “looking better and better every day”. (Joking happens all the time, I don’t take offense easy to comments) I turned and said “No, it’s getting worse, don’t lie please.” To where he answered, “I am not your husband, so I have no reason to lie about how you look. I am not lying.” So I stood there dumbfounded. ~~~~~I see it in the mirror and I see it on the scale. I am not traditionally ‘pretty’ where my looks could hide a few extra pounds. They are clearly visible to me. Ten negative pounds ago I was taking pictures and flaunting my curves. Ten plus pounds later I am squeezing extra curves into my clothes!~~~ If I were to put value into what someone else thinks, which I normally don’t, why can’t I believe what three different men tell me?! They are the opposite sex, and as far as they are saying, I can still attract their attention. So why doesn’t this lift my spirits? Why can’t I see myself the way they see me?! Did my self esteem disappear pound for pound? If you see it, or know of some bait used to catch it, please let me know. (This done while ignoring the grumbling in my stomach, begging for food rather than water and pretzels for lunch.)

Things I Never Knew

This is pretty morbid, but there is a personal issue going on that brought this subject up for me. Like many of my posts, this is just something to THINK about, not intended to depress but more to take action if you see this in yourself. If you died today, would you feel that your child had the full benefit of knowing you? Would he be able to share a story with his own child about a memory he has of you? Would she discuss the great works you did, and feel pride that she is your child? Would he be able to say “This is what my father believed” or “This is how my mother felt about this”. Would she remember your smile, your laugh? Would he be able to pick up an object that belonged to you, and tell that objects story? Would she have a picture of you on her wall? If your child died today, would you feel you knew them? Would you grieve with the knowledge that they knew their whole life that they were loved and cherished by you? Would they leave this world knowing they always had your support in everything they did and everything they are? Or would you go through their belongings in an attempt to learn what they thought and felt? Would a picture of them in soccer make you wonder why you don’t remember attending a game? Would a their journal entry make you say “I never knew” this happened or that she felt this way? In those final moments, whenever they may be, I want our eyes to meet in love and not a word or regret come from our lips. I never want to look back and wonder about the Things I Never Knew.

Tattoo's vs. a Job

Hair and tattoo’s. That’s what I want to talk about today. In fact, it is something that has bugged me since I was a teen. You own a business, say, a coffee shop, and someone comes to your counter and asks for an application. Of course you would give it to them, but in your heart you are saying ‘no way’. Why? Because half of their hair is shaved off and the other half is purple and blue. A young lady came into the bank where I work to turn in her application. She was dressed nice, her hair was clean and neat, and she had a kind smile. Then she slid her hand across the counter and the answer was again, “no” in my head. She must have been near a baby when she got tattoo’s on the back of both hands. The design was a Dream Catcher (very pretty Indian art) with feathers down every finger. Very nice, but it should not be on such a visible part of the body. To apply for a job where your hands are seen more than your face, it is unwise to apply with the art being a distraction. To me it does not portray ‘individuality or creativity’, it is an obvious ploy for attention, to be noticed in a sea of suits and ties. Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily. When your JOB is to GET attention for your art, then have at it!! If you are a hair dresser for the young group, go for the funky young styles (but keep it where you can still go to a nice restaurant without being kicked out). If you work for a tattoo parlor, by all means, ink yourself from head to toe. Show case your art! Don’t go into a business where the dress is suit and tie and you have a nose ring shining in the florescent lights. It’s common sense. If you want the art, put it where it can be tastefully covered. (I am a tattoo lover myself…my HUSBAND is my art board!) If you want the funky hair color, do it for a day or event with wash out color. If you want a funky style, then STYLE it funky for that day or event, don’t CUT IT where you can’t get away from it when you have a board meeting to go to. There is a soldier at the gate that has Egyptian symbols on the back of his hand and down each finger of just one hand. He is Military Police officer, demanding respect, but for me when I see that hand painted up, I honestly want to tell him to wear a glove. I don’t know why exactly, I can’t pin point it, but for me and several others (including *SHOCK* my kids) we lost a little of the fear or respect we should have for him with the markings on his hand. In our eyes, the MP’s on post are supposed to be darn near perfect. They don’t break rules, the keep US from breaking them. The tattoo on his hand throws off that image. It just does. In 1996 the Army changed the rules on tattoo’s to get more men to join…and in 2012 they are changing it back. I say good for them. A good friend of mine has a hubby that runs a tattoo shop, but he can put on a suit and look GOOD. His wife is his art board with impressive works covering her back, but she can dress up and go to a high society ball if she wanted. They know what they are doing. They have the work they want, they project the image they need for the business and for a PTA meeting both at the same time. THAT shows respect. I guess it comes with age. Be dumb when you are young, but try try try not to do anything permanent to your body until you are making a living on your own. (like ear plugs…geez)

What happened to the Editor?!

The girls at work were oohing and aahing at the newspaper that gets delivered to work. (yes, it seems this itty bitty town DOES have a newspaper) They were reading the sports section, which surprised me. Somebody's ex was getting drafted onto a real football team and they were all excited for him since he came from this small town. Good reason to ooh and aah, yes. So, I decided to read the whole thing to find out how it all came about for this small town boy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I am reading along, having a nice trip, then my eyes hit a speed bump. Ugh, a miss use of the word 'to'. Okay, shake my head, deal and move on. My eyes hit another speed bump with the initials NfL. Yes, you saw it right. NfL. If you can't see anything wrong, we will just continue on. I find myself on the next paragraph, wondering when it will end...it runs on and on with no period....errrr. Another mistake, then another, and yet another. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This is a paid for newspaper, one where the writers are paid for their columns. This is a professional paper BUT even if it wasn't the thing is TYPED. What does that mean? If you are using the computer to put your paper together, and if you have ANY cheap, decent writing program, it IS going to tell you where the mistakes are for the most part. There should NOT be six mistakes in one short story. Even if the kid (I hope it's a young adult anyway) hurried and wrote this thing out on a type-writer, then his boss still has to read and approve. You don't run a newspaper without recognizing THIS many grammatical errors. (See that? I spelled 'grammatical' wrong and my computer told me to fix it! How can you honestly ignore that little red line!!!)~~~~~~~~~ No I am not a perfectionist, I make mistakes. I make them ALL OVER this blog. But when I proof read I find them. When I post them and read them again in different type, I find more. The point is that I FIND them and fix them. I was told I was nit picking by the ladies. It wasn't something they cared to listen to (and that may happen here too) but the only guy at work had a good view of the issue and a proposed solution. He suggested I highlight the mistakes and mail it back to them just so they know to be careful. But the ladies claimed he might have been having an 'off' day. So I compromised. I think I will watch for the paper and take a peek next time to see what they have to offer. It may just be this writer, and it may just be this article. So I will take my mothers advice. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "How long do you still have to live there Jen? Take my advice, don't rock the boat while you are still so far away from shore." Well said mother, well said. I don't want to get beat up by offended newspaper 'columnists' or angry editors. If there is an editor?