Non SMOKER

I haven't been on my blog for a good while because I have decided to stop smoking. Since I don't do well with medications, I am doing this cold turkey. It has been 10 days now. My issue is the negativity that I seem to share. I don't like it. I am not normally a negative person. Yeah I have my issues but they usually pass pretty quick. This time I can get mad at something small, and I explode. My first couple of days I was trying to break things. It was uncontrollable, that rage. It's gotten bearable. I still want one, I still crave it. Someone said nicotine goes out of the system in 72 hours, so even though that 72 hours has passed I am still waiting for that relief I am supposed to feel. Habits take 21 days to change, so I clean instead of smoke...I guess the husband and kids will like that more than I do. I haven't been able to sit and read, lounge in a tub, none of the peaceful calming things I used to do. I have to move. I have to keep doing SOMEthing so that I don't pick up a cig. I keep this on my grill out on the back deck....

It's been rained on, burnt dry by the sun and gotten nasty beyond smoking. But I keep it there. If I ever want a cigarette bad enough from this point forward, it will have to be THAT one. Disgusting. Eventually my attitude will improve as well, and my blogs will begin again. I want my old self back just as bad as you do. Actually, I want the new IMPROVED me. :)