Broken Bird

I remember words from a friend several years ago, ones that seem to stick with me when I see a relationship end.  Good or Bad ending, his words still come to mind.

He said once, “It seems I am always the one that finds the broken birds.  I spend time and care, I nurse them back to health, and they fly away.  It’s not fair.  I wish once, just once, I could get one that isn’t broken and will want to stay.” 
He’s right.  It isn’t fair.  And what is worse, is that he had the spirit, the personal nature that wanted to give that love and care to a person on a daily basis.  That’s why the broken birds were drawn to him.  He was able to meet their needs.  No matter how grateful, how loving, when they were healed they had the strong need to move on.  They no longer fit in that type of relationship.

Let me see if I can explain, since I was here once myself as this broken bird.

You think you have endured.  That after everything has gone wrong and you have righted it all, you are now on your two feet and stronger than before.  I thought I was.  I got rid of baggage that was LONG overdue, at least by a couple years.  It felt great and scary at the same time.  After a while of independence, I found myself nicely dating again.  I felt safe, protected, and I hadn’t felt that in so long that I snuggled in and got comfortable.  Well, great things began to happen in that sheltered existence.  Wounds I didn’t know I had started to heal.  I could look in the mirror and feel pretty.  I could smile and laugh at everything and nothing.  My thoughts had value, and were listened to with interest.  I didn’t fear confrontation and I learned how to discuss things without expecting an argument or fight.  I believed in myself, my actions, and my future.  The wound under his band-aid had healed, and I didn’t even know there was one.

I was pushing away.  I was feeling smothered.  I felt buried and I wanted to be free.  He was still kind, still giving, but it wasn’t what I needed anymore.  I needed to stretch out.  I felt bad that he would suffer, and I knew I would suffer as well.  I loved him, truly I did, and would never forget.  But it was the kind of love that bird has for a healer…it was gratitude, strong and loving gratitude.

He knew what was coming.  I was going to push against the restraints, but afraid to hurt him by actually breaking free.  I suffered, and so did he.  He set me down one day, explained this concept to me, and told me it was time to leave.  Suddenly the fear of being let go frightened me beyond belief.  I was going to have to make it without his safety, his protection, and I suddenly screamed for his continued security.

Like a band-aid being ripped off, it stung.  But given a while, I was glad to have it off.  It was still sore for a while, but the wound itself slowly faded. 

It wasn’t fair to him.  It was another person he had to push away for their own good.  Another person that didn’t come to him unbroken.  One he had to work on to make whole again, but one he couldn’t keep.  He spent countless hours of his time, energy and love, and had nothing to show for it.  He had to start over.  And it ISN’T fair. 

Each one of us that have a missing piece should take the time to fix it or fill it before moving toward other relationship.  I know, your question is ‘how do we know?’  Well, go figure.  If you just had a bunch of issues with a relationship you got out of, there are bound to be wounds.  There should be a mandatory 6 months or more wait and self reflecting before trying it all again.  I didn’t listen to a very wise man I shall call ‘father’ who stated that I would get in the same mess if I didn’t give it time.  Well, thank goodness I found this guy instead.  It is terrible to say, but he is typically known as

THE REBOUND

Terrible, just terrible.  Oh it hurts to even think of it that way.  There are so many that WANT to be the rebound.  Ones that PREY on the relationship wounded and weak.  Usually this is okay, because the Rebound still does the job of helping the person move on.  Sometimes they cause further issues, but they are usually easy to forget. 

Well, Rebounds that don’t INTEND to be the rebound find themselves in relationships after relationships that seem to end quietly without any bad feeling between either person.  No, they are not easily forgotten, but they are not remembered as they would like to be.  They want their own.  They want someone that is just for them, and over time, they grow wounds that need healing as well.

In the end, these Rebounds in fact, turn into the Broken Bird.