Comments Cut Deeper from Loved Ones

Oh my,this is a work in progress for me...seriously. I think this one beats me up most at night when I am going through the days events in my head. I have always had a big mouth, and my lashing out hurt me and the ones I lashed out on. I have valid reasons for feeling the way I did but a serious problem with how I expressed it. I still do at times, but I like to think I might have changed where this is a rare occurrence. My husband would be the best judge but he isn't here for me to ask. How convenient for me huh? If my boys got a nasty comment from a peer or teacher at school, they would come home rarely thinking about it if at all. Now, if I was the one that said it, they would remember it and bring it up years later. "You have the family genes when it comes to the rear-end" "Such cute Bubba Lips you have" "you're not the best at this sport, are you?" "well, you aren't really a math wiz, ask your brother for help" "why bother renting ski's? You'll just come inside in a matter of minutes anyway" This list can go on and on.... No, these are not all comments I made to my children, but SOME are and that's bad enough. If a friend told them they suck at soccer, they would prove them wrong and work harder to shove it in their face. What happens if someone they love says it? They trust that person, they know that person loves them, so that person MUST be telling the truth. Why bother trying then? Ouch. I have three teens (we will keep the forth non teen kid out of this for now) and each has their own personality. Let me~gulp~'label' them for a moment. One has to be pushed to do anything progressive for his future, one has a mouth that might earn him some broken teeth in the outside world, and the other just drifts around in his own world lacking common sense. (I probably spelled that wrong!) I can handle pushing, I can handle the mouth (since I have one of my own) but I have a REALLY, REALLY hard time with the no-common-sense. It irritates me, and everyone else for that matter. We react to it, we make nasty comments, we use 'noises' to broadcast that he is again in his own world. I had to call a meeting on this. Not only did I notice that I was behaving in this manner, but that other family members thought it was okay too. We weren't showing him anything positive, we were proving the negative I am sure he already felt. If a loved one says it's true, they believe it. A Fact. I didn't want to feel that way about him, and I sure as heck didn't want him to think that's what I believed to be true about him. No more nasty comments, facial expressions or noises. If you believe it, so will he. He loves you, he hopes what you tell him is true, so don't let it be something cutting that he will believe about himself not just now but FOREVER. He has the voice of an angel, a beautiful smile that can't be matched, the best hugs, he can dance better than anyone in his family, he is daring and a hard worker. Excuse me...I have to go tell him now...he deserves to know all the great things I see in him....