Monday, February 6, 2012
Abortion and the Fathers View
This is a subject brought to me by a total of THREE men now. I promised myself that if a touchy subject came up three times by three different people in a request to write it, then I would. It actually scares me to death to put this out there. Just know, that these are my views only because of personal relationships with these gentlemen and how it affected them.
Abortion is a scary subject, and an even tougher thing to get through. Most people blame or judge a woman, but never think of the MAN. I am not going to get into the political or religious views, that's not what this is about this time.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What happens when a woman wants a child and a man doesn't? She can still have that child if she wants. When he requests an abortion because she was clear on his views, she can choose NOT to. He has to be a father to a child he specifically asked not to have, at least not yet. She has complete control. People don't realize what the man has gone through, and how that control was taken out of his hands.
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Then there is the other side of the coin. What happens when a woman gets pregnant and SHE does not want the child? The man says he does want the baby but can't convince her to have it. She brings up the line of "It's my body, YOU don't have to suffer with getting fat and giving birth", and she is right. He has no rights to the child she carries even though it is HIS child. He has to stand back and let her end it's life.
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So either way, the guy is screwed. If he doesn't want a child, the woman can force him to become a father. If he DOES want a child, she can take that away. We can't pin it down to married or unmarried, it happens in many situations. Most times BOTH situations end the relationship. The man is frustrated that he is being forced to become a father against his will OR devastated that the chance to BE a father was taken from him. Can this be fixed? Surprise pregnancies happen all the time, but we don't realize that not just the woman is affected by it. Men have strong feelings about it also, even if THEY are not the one that has to CARRY the child. They should have a choice in the matter.
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First and foremost..here is a wisdom my grandmother taught her sons: If you can not imagine yourself raising a child with a woman or feel this is not the woman you want raising your child then you should not be having sex with her because you never know what will happen. she told me this too female version. second both men and woman are perfectly capable of using birth control. that is where the choice comes into factor, before the child is conceived. I do agree the father should have some input and be seriously considered. But once you make that original choice all bets are off, unfortunately, because abortion is a very touchy subject. And once you give someone else the choice besides the mother then that opens things up to other people being able to make those choices as well. And that is even more scary then the dad being involved. As everyone knows I am not exactly the queen of making a good choice at time of conception, but I did my best to make the best of things. It wasn't easy. It was a very hard choice. My single person dreams ended too. I did not take my decision not to abort lightly. I knew the consequences. I was raised by a single mom. I knew what it was going to be like. I actually saw one of my children in utero at around 2 months and he looked almost like a person and he was responsive to his environment. every time they moved the ultrasound stick he turned and appeared to look right at it. This made any other decisions about keeping or aborting very difficult. I know the dad can feel like he has no choices and is stuck, but once a child happens many choices go out the door for everyone. I have so much feeling for both sides. I have fully experienced the pain and the joy of two uncommitted people trying to deal with an unplanned, beautiful child we will have to rear til goodness knows when.I do know the courts are trying to make the custody and support legal stuff a more level playing field for both parents and more so for the child. The one thing they can't do is force a parent to be physically present in a child's life.
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly why I discuss the subject of pregnancy/safer sex/abortion etc. with my boys as much as I do with my girls. Although surprise pregnancies do happen...a huge bulk of them could be avoided if precautions were taken by both sides! I also believe there is nothing wrong with teaching abstinence before marriage. I'm not saying that unwanted or accidental pregnancies can't happen inside of marriage (because they certainly do) but generally, it is much less so and a husband and wife are usually better equipped to emotionally make sound decisions. You brought up very good points here Jennifer because when do men have a say in what happens? The woman does have all the say so in her pregnancy and he is at her complete mercy. I have no problem saying proudly that I am very pro-life and I would be completely devastated if my son got a girl pregnant as she chose to abort it. IT would kill me. It is a very tough subject indeed and always will be. People will NEVER see eye to eye on it. I just pray that my children make good decisions and are very VERY careful.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, you got the point of the discussion exactly. The say that a man has (or rather DOESN'T have) is what I was trying to convey. The woman's view is out there, talked about all the time, but the guy is rarely heard. I am glad I could point this out there for them.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.cafemom.com/group/115189/forums/read/16037126/should_a_man_have_a_right_to_choose?next=11
ReplyDeleteMy Blog was used 20 days later in a public forum on Cafe Mom. Lots of interesting views there too!