A Person of Value

I have noticed that some people 'pretend' to listen when someone talks to them. They mumble when they should, nod at times, then find a way to get out of the conversation. I don't mind it, I pay attention enough to see it happening, and see the conversation dull down until they leave. That way, the ones that WERE talking and enjoying the banter back and forth can continue without needing to watch what is said. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I was told this is 'bad manners'. That I should do more to include the entering party into the conversation. My issue with that is that it is perfectly okay to come in and chit chat in a group, add your two cents, get things going in a new and interesting direction. That is what we call conversation. It's fun for all, most of the time. Then you get a power hungry person who hears one or two words, forms and opinion, marches up to the group and announces that opinion, then stands there waiting to be validated. It is a defensive stance, it is an 'I dare you to disagree' face, but they don't say any more. There is no explanation on why they made that choice, or why it was important for them to interject. They just stand there. That means they are looking for an argument, and I was taught to be careful with what I say. So as the group slides carefully back into the fun banter they had moments before without causing grief to the new member, that member eventually finds a way out. I feel bad for them, I wish I could have had something to say to their remark, but it was brought into the group in a negative manner. I have not yet learned how to deal with this situation, and it happens a lot. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A lot of times I think they have value in what they say, a reason for their thoughts, and I would honestly like to know where it comes from. It's just not always the right time, especially if they have mistaken the subject and jumped into it with just pieces of info. I believe that their thought came from somewhere and I want to find a way to make it okay for them to talk, no matter how they came into it. Sometimes, it is a power position that prevents me from doing what I know is right. Like boss to employees. How do you explain the subject to the boss when she clearly misunderstood? If you try, it makes you seem as if you are talking down to her in an attempt to explain. We all just give looks, ease into a different topic, and wait... It feels terrible. I have my moments too, where I look like a dummy jumping in. But they know I have humor in myself so they laugh at me and I join them, while they explain what they were REALLY talking about. It's okay to rib me. I make it okay. They value my friendship, my thoughts, and they know I value them as well. We pull people in, we make sure to laugh and joke and ease tempers. I have people close to me that question what I say all the time. Probably because I don't make myself clear. Most come to me and say "what did you mean" and I can explain. Not just to them, but anyone else that may have understood. Others get defensive in their own imaginings. They give ugly remarks, or they ignore me for what they believe to be a personal affront to their character. For that I say I am sorry. I value you and your opinion. I will do better at minding my manners and finding a way to make that awkward moment pass for all of us. For the ones that ignore me....well, that might be best. I really don't want to put effort into someone that doesn't believe I am worth the effort to them, now do I? I can live with that. This just means I will have a smaller group to work with until I perfect my imperfections. :)