Future of...Me?

With my husband having the job he does, I have 14 hours on my own to think-8 to sleep-and 2 with him listening to his day and trying to catch up on kid happenings. Fourteen hours to think does not always end up good. As I am going around the house picking up the clothes and dishes from the morning rush, then caring for the two dogs under my feet, I look at myself a little two hard. I think about little things like "maybe I should be on the treadmill, but then I would leave all this stuff undone" to big things like "I have a small job and love my ladies there, but shouldn't I be doing more?" This morning I had that conversation with myself, about getting a full time job...actually getting active about it. I am nearing forty years old and I don't have a 'career' or something fulfilling that I actually get paid for. Something I am proud of at the end of the day and can say I accomplished something. Am I running out of time? Will anyone hire someone my age with no college? Have I missed my chance? My chance at what? What am I good at that would do some good in this world? What are my skills that would be useful to someone else? Did I have them and lose them? Are they not discover yet? How do I go about discovering them? And on and on and on....~~~~~~~~Then my teenagers told me today was the last day to buy tickets for a dance I had just heard about this moment. I hurried up and got dressed for work, put the dogs in the pens with food, ran out the house to an ATM, ran into the school to pay for the tickets (which my son ended up buying double of) and get my tail to work. At work I get emails about my littlest son. My son has special needs and his teacher had to ask for extra assistance today to help him. I sit through my part time job with very little to do but twirl my thumbs and think about all the things undone at home and my poor dogs being locked up an hour longer than usual in my rush out of the house. As soon as the clock says my boredom for the day is over, I rush to a school conference for my littlest to try to see how I can help him adjust. I become overwhelmed at how hard he has to struggle and how limited I am as his mother to help. With the extra burden of guilt I rush home to take a remaining child head count (1-2-3 teens accounted for) and dinner complete before they rush off to church youth night. In the mean time teen #2 has a broken phone that the service company said would be fixed 48 hours ago, so while on call with them I am looking for teen #3 in the neighborhood. After getting the phone fixed with only a little patience left, the little one with the rough day says he just wants to swing. Well, swinging is good for the soul so mama could use it too. Still looking for teen #3 we go to the park for a moment. It's now six pm and teen #3 decides to come home to my yelling while he feeds his neglected dogs and I force him to sit down and eat dinner. Little one won't eat, not new, give him a vitamin shake, problem solved, but guilt rises. Onto cleaning the kitchen while getting the little one in the tub but keeping the dogs OUT of the tub, which I failed at all two out of three. My youngest didn't mind sharing a bath. Sigh.~~~~~~~~ So now that the littlest is asleep and teen #3 is on his way, and I wait for teen #1 & #2, I try to think of my original questions. Well, I got my answer.~~~~~ What is my future? WHO CARES!!!! I have more to do as a mother and a wife and for myself personally that a frigging career can WAIT!!! I am doing what God sent me to do. I am trying my hardest to be productive in my HOME, to send the finished product of my CHILDREN out into the world, where THEY will make a difference. I am supporting my husband who DOES make a difference, who brings home the bacon, and lends me an ear and support when he can. How can I not be proud of what I do at the end of the day? I DID accomplish something!! I don't need a boss, I AM the boss. I might not be GREAT at this job but I am GOOD at it. I use my skills every day, I discover them daily, and I got my chance when God gave me my husband and children. I don't need strangers or a huge paycheck to be WORTH something. My future is....RIGHT NOW, DAY TO DAY, and living every single moment to the fullest. And it's mine. It is ME.