Cheaters Win Sometimes

I have this topic from four of my ladies and one man, but their experiences are soooo different that I have to be pretty broad to write what they want me to. I can relate to three of them, the ones that were cheated ON...but I was very open minded and listened to the cheaters as well. I have to say, yes, I understand what you as a person went through to make that choice, but honestly, I still don't think things needed to be that way. I can't and won't change my values, even if I give my understanding on individual cases. So how do we let or make this happen?~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mistresses and Lovers have been around since the dawn of time. It wasn't right then, and it isn't right now, but it happens, it is COMMON. More common than Faithfulness. What is your view of cheating? Some have it so anchored down to it being even the thought of another person. My question is how does anyone, especially your loved one, know who and what you are thinking unless you decide to see what happens and TELL them about it? I don't mean that you have to omit information, but if you see it as a fault in yourself and you know they would be upset, then FIX YOURSELF don't share it. Looking? Come now, we all do it. Some swear they don't, but they do. Just because merchandise looks good doesn't mean we are going to buy it. Why bother when the person inside the good looks is just more work? Look, admire, turn and walk away. Easy. Next would be flirting...this is a tough one for me. We all have different ideas on this one and not one of the five could agree. So I decided to say my piece, and I am probably wrong, which I am often. I don't think flirting is necessarily BAD. It can be banter back and forth that goes no where, it's just for fun between two people that know beyond a doubt that it is exactly that, just fun. You see old happily married men wink at young girls behind the counter at a store just to see them smile. That is flirting, and that is okay. If it goes past this to any of the next examples, then there is a problem way deeper than harmless flirting. Exchanging phone numbers. No. Big no. I have been asked for mine, and I did not know what to say because they acted as if we would go out for lunch or some such thing when I knew it was more than that but did not want to assume. So I did what any honest woman would do... I gave it to him...with the last number being wrong. So if he asks you to repeat it you just have to remember the last number you changed. :) Yup, done it. Sorry guys. Talking on the phone or computer to the opposite sex and getting personal. No. I 'flirt' with only the ones that KNOW it is just for fun, and the screen is up right there for my husband to see. More often than not it is a mutual friend of ours that I am harassing. If you are going to talk on the phone or the computer, you better make sure that your spouse can read/listen to the whole thing without getting upset. If you don't feel comfortable letting your spouse do this, than yes, you are in the wrong. Meeting up with someone? Depends. Meeting up WITH mutual partners, that is okay. Without? No. My rules for our house were set between my husband and I long before we were married. No man in the house if he is not home...no woman in the house if I am not home. Period. It doesn't happen. I don't care if she is nearing 100 years old, there is no reason for it. My husband is often told to go on lunch meetings, and if there is a small group, he makes sure one or more is male. Kissing? It's cheating. Don't say "Well I didn't sleep with him, it was just a kiss", because it wasn't just a kiss. Yeah, your conscience woke up just in time, but even that simple kiss was cheating. Sex? Yeah, you went ahead and cheated. No sob story of you feeling lonely, or being separated, or he cheated first, can get you out of this one. If you are with someone, and you enjoy a sexual relationship with another, you cheated. No questions asked. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I can go on and on about how all it takes is for you to say, "I'm done" and walk away, but someone is going to have something to say about it. It really is that simple. Yeah it sucks that they are going to scream and yell, but it will hurt them a LOT less if you did it honestly rather than screw around behind their back. One knife is better than two... but enough on that.~~~~~~~~~~~ Cheaters have excuses...they say things to 'fix' it, to make it better for themselves, to get themselves out of trouble, and us dummies WANT to feel better so we accept it. Honestly, with how much we take from the Cheaters so we don't feel betrayed and still have hope, just goes to show that Cheaters DO win sometimes.