Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Keep Your Mouth Shut More Often
When someone asks for your opinion, please PLEASE think first. You have to know who they are and why they are asking. It doesn't mean your opinion is going to change, but how you state it might. How much you reveal certainly may. How honest you could be, how brutal you may have to be, how detailed you are...it all depends on who they are and how much you actually know and experienced.
If you don't know what they are going through, please refrain from 'advice'. You can't have a very good opinion if you have not experienced somewhat what they are going through. If you give your opinion without this knowledge, it is based on assumptions and could lead them in the wrong direction. You think you know what you would do in that situation, but you honestly can't say unless you were in it yourself. I had some views on what I would do about certain things in life, but I did opposite of what I said I would do when I actually EXPERIENCED it. If you haven't had a child, don't give parenting advice. Babysitting is NOT the same. If you haven't been married, don't give advice to wives having issues, a boyfriend is not the same. If you have not had a teen on drugs, don't tell a parent how to 'treat' it, watching documentaries doesn't help the real thing. If you don't have a disabled child, don't preach on how to make them 'normal', every child is different and the mother knows her child better. If children and spouse are having trouble adjusting to a deployed parent, don't tell them 'everyone goes through it' when you haven't. Having a spouse in the service during the war is different than having a spouse in the service withOUT a war. Being away is the same, having a gun pointed at or a bomb under your loved one makes it considerably different.
If you have been there with them, you have struggled with them, you have learned through their talks or visits and they lean on you...you can choose to listen or you can choose to talk. Sometimes when they ask your opinion, it is perfectly okay to say, "I honestly don't know what you are going through. I feel for you, and I am here for you. If you need to talk and go through some options, I will be here to listen." I don't have a child in college that is doing more partying than studying. I don't have a husband that is unable to find a job. I don't have an ex in the wings dictating my life. I don't have a pregnant teen that won't come home for me to take care of. I don't have any idea what to do about any of these things. But I DO know how to hug, to listen, to ask questions, and to help do research with them beside me. I can't give answers, I just don't have the tools to do so. So sometimes keeping your mouth shut really is just as important as stating your opinion. If you need a hug and an ear, I can do that.
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I open my mouth more then I should. I love discussions and talking is how I work through things. so keeping my mouth shut is hard for me sometimes. but you are right about this. sometimes when you know nothing a person is going through out of caring you could give bad advice when a hug would suffice.
ReplyDeletecurt and i had a good discussion about this post. here's our thoughts - sorry... i guess we won't be keeping our mouth shut. :o)
ReplyDeletei can understand where you're coming from. it is hard when someone gives their advice - solicited or not - in a cruel or ignorant manner. it would be easier to rely only on people's advice if they had gone through the experience themselves. the only problem is... there is NO ONE that has ever gone through the exact experience as you have. let me explain...
we are all individuals - even identical twins. our minds process things differently, our personalities react differently (even if we're brought up in the same family), and we even remember things differently. even military wives from the same platoon don't experience the absence of their husbands the same.
the only person in our lives that knows our background, our minds, our thoughts and our current state is our Savior, Jesus Christ. He is the only one that can give us that perfect advice that we need during times of hardship, confusion and distress. however, not everyone can speak directly and hear directly from Him at the drop of a hat.
nevertheless, the Savior did give us other portals to have those conversations. as imperfect as we are, the Lord gave us one another to help us mourn with those who mourn, and to comfort those who stand in need of comfort. we are to be his instrument to give advice and answers to prayers at those times when we are inspired to do so.
will everyone be as compassionate or open-minded as they should be when given the chance (or not given) to help another? no, but that's where we just strive to look at the good things they said and apply it to our situation. on the same note, if they didn't say anything good or if they came from a cruel place, just let that pony keep on riding to the sunset.
those are our thoughts anyway... we hope that even though we may not have all the experiences or hardships you may have that we can still be of support in your time of need. love you! :o)
absolutely, you are there to listen, to hug, and to do research and go through the options.... :)After that, if nothing comes from it, we just aren't listening.
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